i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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