We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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