You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
