My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Randomize
