I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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