one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
