She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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