you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
