sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
