Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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