i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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