I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
