I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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