in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
