i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
