They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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