well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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