He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
