hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
