I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
