on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
