You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
