whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
