My hand turned me down
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
