K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
