she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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