Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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