My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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