She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she told me i tasted like america
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
