I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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