That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
