I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
