Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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