why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
