I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
