I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
