so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
