lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
