My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
