ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
