I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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