Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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