she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
