Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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