he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
