dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
