I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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