She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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