First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
