Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
