tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
and you fell through a lawn chair
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
