Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
