you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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