If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
