god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
