The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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