I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
