I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
