The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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