I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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