And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
